I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Randomize
