She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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