Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Marshall is naming all the elements of my face. I love science nerds.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
