Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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