I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
Potato salad is not cupcake ingredient
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
