I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I couldn't find my shirt this morning so I stole one from his eight year old sister. Slutted up my outfit quite a bit.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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