I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
