you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
