how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
Randomize
