I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
