I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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