Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
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