I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
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