it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
