His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
3pm strippers are depressing
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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