I am puke
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
