He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
