you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
