I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
