maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
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