her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
Randomize
