so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
Randomize
