He is such a slut. More and more my type.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
If walking through the neighborhood with a bottle of tequila and margarita mix is postgrad life, I'm okay with it
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
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