You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude my date hates me, Im on a rooftop full of Turkish people, and Ricky Martin is blasting on the radio. I was wrong earlier when I said I have my shit together
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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