I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
