I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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