btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
