Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
But how do I turn off the feelings though?
Vodka.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
