the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
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