***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
