So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
Randomize
