I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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