Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
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