i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
wakey wakey hands off snakey
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
Randomize
