It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
