New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
God, you're like boner-b-gone
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
You're like the curious george of whores
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I need a moral compass that doesn't always point to dick
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
Randomize
