Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
