The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
Finally fucked my buddy's mom!! We are both ten years older and for her it really shows but i hit it!!
Randomize
