Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Drunk sperm are not productive sperm.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Randomize
