Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
On my way home from the dentist. Was going to call and see if you would like to wake and bake, then remembered my sister is an adult
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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