You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
Randomize
