She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
also, the amount of semen in my carpet right now is unforgivable...
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
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