you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I paused the movie when the delivery guys arrived, and while they were assembling the bed, one of the guys pointed to the tv and said "why so serious?" And it made the whole experience happy.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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