In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
Well I went on a freakin rampage and destroyed a fan and claimed that it wasn't doing its fan duties... Then I knocked on everybody's doors in the hall and asked if they were content with their fan's performance and if not I would take care of it...
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
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