That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
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