I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
