You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
