Pappa wants mamma naked
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
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