East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
