remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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