I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
