It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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